The Test

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11

“Trust me. Trust me”, says the Lord. “For the storms will rage, the ship will rock and it will feel as though you are being cast into the depths…..but, I need you to trust me.”

“Trust me. Trust me”, says the Lord. “For at some point in time, you will question everything I ever said to you and wonder if it was I who even spoke…..but, I need you to trust me.”

“Trust me. Trust me”, says the Lord. “For I Am the only one you will EVER be able to whole-heartedly rely on.”

“Trust me. Trust me”, says the Lord. “For I and I alone am your hope, your strength and your salvation.”

“Trust me…..for this is only a…test.”

The Test

This summer was probably one of the most difficult seasons in my life. It was a HUGE season of transition. Returning to the states from living overseas I knew that I was going to have to adjust, but I wasn’t prepared to the “adjustment” that God took me through. The transition was awful. I felt alone and as if I didn’t belong. Everything that was once so familiar to me seemed so strange and I didn’t like it. I believed that I had mentally prepared myself for it, but in actuality I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for the burden. I wasn’t ready for the frustration. I wasn’t ready for the growing pains. I surely wasn’t ready for “the test”.

I honestly could not remember feeling such despair in my life. I felt as though I had lost a part of my identity, but I had no idea where it had gone and how to get it back. For the longest time, I didn’t want to talk about to anyone not even God. I didn’t want to talk to God about it. I was angry and bitter because I didn’t like what I was going through and how I was feeling. I knew that He had spoken to me and was certain that I had clearly heard His voice, but I was beginning to doubt everything that He had promised. Has that ever happened to you? You are sure that God has spoken to you, but then you are taken through a whirlwind and begin to doubt that it was God who even spoke. That was me. Like Hannah, before receiving confirmation from Eli. Barren and bitter.

The day that I drove all the way to a function and couldn’t get out of the car because I felt so low was the day that I reached my breaking point. I drove to my brother’s house because I just needed someone to talk to and cried hysterically the entire way there. One of the things that he said that stuck out to me through my tears was that “Remember, God never puts more on us than we can bare”. If you’re like me, you’ve heard this a thousand times but it never truly resonated with me until I reached the point where I didn’t think I could “bare” anything else. He also told me that sometimes in life God takes us through things not to hurt us, but to help us grow. Just like a test. In school, we are given tests to evaluate our knowledge and retention of the content that we have learned. God also tests us in a similar fashion.

In 1 Thessalonians 2:4 Paul states, “But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts”. God looks at our hearts and tests our faith. He wants to know in our time of trouble will we go back to His word and stand firmly on His promise. God tests us so that we may have victory. He believes that we will pass every test and wants to know if we will stay faithful during the test. As we endure every test, His word is designed to make us stronger and to allow us to come out victorious as we are already equipped with everything that we need for battle.

As time went on, I had to check myself. I had to check my faith and my heart. Here I am doubting God. The only constant and consistent being in my life. The only one that I can ever truly trust and depend on. The one who wakes me daily and provides for me. The one who heals me and is always making a way for me. The one who truly loves me unconditionally. In spite of my faults, flaws and often disloyalty to Him. How dare I?!?!

I have learned so much about God from these last few months. No matter how difficult life becomes, He stands firmly on His promise. You just have to stand firmly on His word. As Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God wants nothing but the absolute best for us. All he wants from us is salvation and the promise to continually seek Him. Whenever you face a “test” in life, remember that God has already planned your victory. All you have to do is accept the challenge. At times you won’t fully know why you are being tested, but when it is all over you will be grateful for the test.