Love Yourself First: What's So Wrong With Being Single?

Lately, I’ve been seeing so many posts, blogs, memes and even groups on social media dedicated to singleness. People emphasizing how single they are or how they wish they weren’t. People taking #singlelife to a new extreme. As I read all of these things, I’ve had to ask myself the question: What’s so wrong with being single?

It appears that most people constitute singleness with loneliness and that is not the case. Just because someone is single doesn’t mean they’re lonely. I’ve been single for 4 years now. No boyfriend. No real commitment to anyone, except for Jesus, and I must say that it has been the best years of my life. In the beginning, there were times when I did feel lonely. It took growth within myself and my relationship with God for me to realize that I wasn’t feeling lonely because I no longer had a significant other. I felt lonely because I didn’t know what to do with “Andrea”.

For years, I had a boyfriend. For years, I dedicated time and energy to someone else who was not myself. I put myself on the back burner and then when that person was no longer there, I had no idea who “Andrea” was. For so long, another person held my attention that I didn’t realize I hadn’t paid much attention to myself. I WAS LOST. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know what I really liked or disliked. I didn’t know what truly made me happy. I felt as though I had my own identity when I was in a relationship, but in actuality I didn’t. I had become someone that I didn’t even know.

So, as my relationship with God grew and strengthened I realized that I needed to find out who “Andrea” was. I needed to focus on myself. I needed to learn myself. I needed to grow myself. I needed to love myself.

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to do in life is spending time with myself and getting to know the real me. You would think that it would be an easy task, but it’s not. You wake up every day in your body, but how much time do you spend really getting to know who you are? As God revealed myself to me and as I learned more about myself, I realized that I didn’t like a lot of what I saw. I didn’t like a lot of who I was. I was mean. I was selfish. At times, my attitude could be downright nasty. I realized that I never had any business being in a relationship with anyone, because I didn’t know how to love myself first.

Loving yourself isn’t something that just comes naturally. At some point, the world brainwashes you into believing what is beautiful and acceptable. You think your hair, makeup, clothing and body have to look a certain way in order for you to truly love who you are. Then the hair comes out and the makeup and clothing come off and you are left with “just you” in the mirror. “Just you” has to love what it sees. “Just you” has to realize that I may have gained a few pounds, but I still love me. I can lose those pounds. “Just you” has to realize that this is what my hair and face look like and I’m okay with that. “Just you” has to love “just you”!

So as I began to become more comfortable in my own skin and learn more about myself, I began to really and truly love me. Not just myself in the physical sense, but all of me. I gained a real sense of who I was. As I gained a sense of who I was, my perceptions of others changed as well. For so long, especially in relationships, I thought that I could change people to fit the mold in which I wanted them to be. I realized that I couldn’t. I don’t have the power or authority to change anyone. So many of us think we can change people. Thinking you can change someone is one of the biggest lies that you can tell yourself. God is the only person who can truly change anyone. When that person is ready, they will begin to change. Always remember: How can someone change if they don’t love themselves enough to do so?

My standards and expectations of others began to change as I began to love myself. Initially, I couldn’t expect someone else to treat me a certain way if I didn’t even honor myself enough to treat myself that way. As you begin to love yourself, you begin to think more highly yourself. As you begin to honor yourself, you want others to honor you as well. I learned that all of this comes with learning to love yourself.

I said all of that to say this, “There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single”. It’s not some sentence of loneliness that you’re cursed with and will last forever. It doesn’t make you any less than anyone else because you haven’t gotten engaged or aren’t walking down the aisle this year. Some people could potentially be walking down the aisle with the wrong person this year and you should be so glad you’ve been spared of that turmoil. There are some people who are in a tumultuous relationship at this moment because they just don’t want to be single. Be thankful that you love yourself enough to be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable and trying to fake for the public.

If you do nothing else, take time out to love yourself. Get to know who you are outside of someone else. Pray and ask God to reveal yourself to you. When you are your priority, you can accomplish so much for yourself. I would never have gotten the opportunity to live in Dubai had I not talked to God and taken the time to realize that this something that I’ve always wanted to do. I completely forgot about it because my attention was focused on someone else.

There is nothing wrong with you for being single. 1 Timothy 6:6 says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain”. In essence, God wants you to be content in whatever circumstances that He has given you. It is not possible to be content when your heart is always set on gaining more. So, if He has called you to be single learn how to be content in that. Spend time above all getting to know and love Him. Spend time getting to know and love yourself.

J. Cole is absolutely right in his lyrics, “Love yourself girl or nobody will”. How is someone else supposed to respect you if you don’t respect yourself? How is someone else going to honor you if you don’t honor yourself? How is someone else going to truly be able to love you if you don’t love yourself? You will never be able to fully love someone else if you don’t know how to love yourself first.

So embrace your season of singleness. If people question why you’re single ask them, “What’s so wrong with being single?” You get to come and go as you please. You get to do what makes you happy. You get to put yourself first. Above all, you get to love on yourself.

Be single. Be happy. Be blessed.

-Andrea