Meaningless Friendships...Knowing When It's Time To Let Go

Recently, my co-worker and I were having a conversation about friendships. She was trying to decide whether to hold onto a friendship that she didn’t believe was bringing any value into her life. After reading the last sentence, immediately you would think that the answer to her question would be “no”. If the person is not adding any value to her life than why is she even contemplating it? Well, they had been friends since childhood. In cases like that, letting go isn’t always so easy.

She had been praying about it and asked my opinion on the matter. I gave my advice, but I must say that I honestly did not know what she should do. It was becoming a burden to her and I understood why. It went beyond the fact that they had been friends since childhood. She had an image of what a true friend should be and that person no longer fit that mold. After continuing to explain her reasoning to me, I knew that God had answered her prayer a long time ago and in wanting to hold onto a friendship that no longer existed she overlooked His answer.

I think that many of us hold onto friendships that no longer exist because of guilt. Once upon a time, you and that person were supposed to be friends forever. You were supposed to be in each other’s weddings, be at their child’s birth and always be that shoulder to cry on. Then…you grew up.

Life took you both in two completely different directions and you never found your way back to each other in the manner in which you believe you should have. Take a deep breath because that is okay. Nowhere in the law of friendships does it state that your friend since birth has to be your forever friend. If is okay to let go of friendships that no longer fulfill their role in your life. Here is how you know when it is time to let go.

1. As I said before, life has taken you both in two completely different directions.

Life has its way of doing that. We all know that some people are only placed in our life for a season. God never said how long that season would be. That person could have been your best friend since you were five, but their time in your life is up now. You both are in two completely different spaces. Sometimes, the people that you used to hang out with no longer fulfill the same role that they once did. It is okay to accept it and move on.

2. You can no longer relate to one another.

Trust me, it happens. It can suck especially if at one point the two of you could relate to everything. Now, you don’t have anything in common. You no longer like to discuss or do the same things. Often, it can be due to the fact that you both have evolved and changed. Sometimes, one person has evolved while the other has remained stagnant and the two of you no longer share a common ground. If you can no longer relate, more than likely your friendship has served its purpose and it’s time to move on.

3. You feel used.

It’s sad to say, but some people often feel used in friendships. I know that I have. You may find that a person does not value you as an individual. They value what you can do for them instead. They never call and check on you. You are always the one to check in on them. You may hear from them sporadically or when something tragic happens and then they disappear again just like a thief in the night. Any relationship is supposed to have some form of give and take from both parties. One person should not do all of the giving while the other just sits there and constantly takes with no desire to ever give in return. Don’t allow yourself to be used by someone because you have known them forever and they are supposed to be your friend. No matter the circumstances, a true friend would never use you.

4. They don’t add value to your life.

My twenties have probably been the most challenging and rewarding period of my life. I have grown so much and have truly begun to discover who I am as a person. At times it is mentally and physically exhausting. During this time, I have also realized who truly means something to me as a friend. At 26, the last thing I need in my life is a “play friend”. I don’t need someone to go to clubs with or hang out with at the mall. I don’t need someone who only calls me as a last resort when no one else is around. I need relationships of substance. I need a friend who I can call at my lowest and know that they will be there to help pick me back up. I need a friend who understands that I need my space and that sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. I need a friend who is going to keep it real with me and tell me about myself when I need to hear it. I need a friend who is going to hold me accountable for my actions and make sure I am following through with the plans for my life. I need a friend who is going to add value to my life. If that person doesn’t add value to your life, why are you keeping them around?

5. They are jealous.

No one would ever think that their friend could be jealous of them, but it happens. I’ve been jealous of my friends before. As I’ve grown and gotten older, I’ve realized that although the envy that I felt at the time was real it was so unnecessary. I had to realize that God has His own individual plan for my life. Once I became comfortable in my own skin and with my own path in life, I realized how silly I had been for being jealous. Some people don’t come to this realization. They are truly jealous of their friends and can’t seem to shake the feeling. They may compare themselves and their lives and measure that persons “success” and “accomplishments” instead of truly being happy for them. It may hurt them to see their friend doing “better” than them and they cannot find it within themselves to be genuinely happy for the other person. If true friend will be happy for you despite their and your circumstances.

6. The “friendship” is toxic.

A toxic friendship does more harm than it does good. The person only calls you when they need you to listen to them, but they never have time for you. They only want to talk about themselves. They don’t care enough to consider you, think about how you are feeling, or keep in touch. They aren’t happy for your success and they don’t consider how their actions affect you. Although apart of human nature is to grow and change, the person is so set in their ways that they never make an effort to change or grow. In the long run, toxicity will only bring you down and make your life toxic as well.

7. The friendship does not serve a purpose.

One of my main goals in my twenties has been finding my purpose and realizing that in everything there is a purpose. As I’ve grown, I’ve realized “Why do things with no purpose?” The same holds true to friendships. Why be in a friendship that does not serve a purpose? All relationships should have a purpose. Purpose is defined as: “the reason why something exists”. If you cannot explain the true reason that person exists in your life then they do not serve a purpose.

If you find yourself being a meaningless friend to someone, be bold enough to admit your mistakes and let that person go. Going into 2016, be mindful of the people that you keep and allow to enter into your lives. Everyone isn’t meant to be there forever. Just like milk, some things shouldn’t be kept past their expiration date. Don’t be afraid to let go of people that are burdening you and causing a hindrance in your life. Make sure that they are adding value and serving a purpose. You do not need to hold onto meaningless friendships. Remember, growing up means realizing that a lot of your friends aren’t really your friends.

-Andrea